I was running a marathon one day a long time ago and I remember trying to stay focused on goals in the not-too-distant vicinity. For me, it was every bit as much mental as it was physical. Making it to that bend in the road, or that water station there in the distance, or to the top of the next hill. I wouldn’t allow myself to think about the finish line, because it would be like thinking about graduation day on your first day of college, or planning for Christmas on New Years Eve. The anticipation would make the distance seem that much greater…better to think of what is just ahead, and surprise yourself at mile 25 when you’re almost done.
On this particular day I had just passed the 22 mile mark. A local who had come out to support the race was yelling at the side of the road, “Nice job, keep going, only ONE MILE to go.” After pounding the pavement for that long, you tend to lose your social graces, and when I heard him telling people they only had one mile to go when I knew we had FOUR miles to go, I lost it a little. I shouted back, “Shut the hell up, you’re going to screw people up by lying about the distance remaining.” He gave a dejected look that made me believe he was well intentioned, but I wasn’t sorry I had said it. Of coarse the “people” I was worried about him messing up was ME. I wasn’t ready to shift gears into the “crossing the finish line” mode yet, and still needed to focus on nearer goals. Running is definitely not my forte’, and 4 more miles with 22 behind me was a considerable test of my willingness to give a damn.
Flash forward to the last few weeks. I had originally been planning on leaving Iraq in about two and a half weeks. Three weeks ago I was given the news that I would be required to stay an extra month. I wasn’t exactly happy, but it was do-able because I was still just focusing on those short range goals right in front of me. I hadn’t yet allowed myself to transition into the reality that I would be leaving soon. Like a marathon that’s been extended from 26 miles to 32…if you’re told about it early enough you can just adjust your pace and convince yourself it’s not a big deal.
Less than a week ago everything changed. I was told that my original replacement was no longer in the mix, and my new replacement was going to be able to be here on the ORIGINAL schedule. I was back to 26 miles, and I felt like sprinting! I had plenty to do to prepare for the hand off, but I had just gained a month back, so what did I care if I had to put a couple of extra hours in each day.
Well, today it changed again. Now it appears as though I’ll be here for the first several weeks in October, and only save a week from the original revision. The kicker is, I no longer have much faith in ANY date they give me…so I somehow have to physically be prepared to leave in a couple of weeks, while mentally convincing myself that I’ll be here for several more.
Here’s the upshot. The weather is starting to get pretty nice (at least by comparison). With any luck I’ll still make it back in plenty of time for me and Beau to complete our second annual climb of the Sears Tower (the stairs, not the outside)…and most likely early enough to make it back for a Halloween bash or two. I’m sorry to say it looks unlikely that I’ll make cousin Kelly’s wedding, but I imagine I’ll have no difficulty finding someone to do my celebrating for me.
Hope you’re all well. Keep the e-mails and pictures coming…
T
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5 comments:
I had a similar experience when I was doing an Olympic distance triathlon. Halfway through the run (which was only 6 miles anyway, but after all the swimming and biking I was pretty tired...it also happened to be just 2 weeks after my radiaton, so maybe that had something to do with how tired I was) some guy was out there shouting about us being "almost done...only about a mile left". I stopped, looked at him and said "that just isn't true, and it isn't helpful at all to hear we are almost done when we aren't"
He apologized, and I too think he was trying to help but man was I mad, and for the same reason as you.
I'm sorry the plans changed and that you don't really know what to expect now. I love that you are still able to see the upside even when you have been sort of misled about when you will get to leave. You are just such an amazing person. I am happy to have "met" you.
Thanks Radioactive Girl,
I'm amazed that you would even consider doing a triathlon so quickly after your radiation. I went to Penticton, British Columbia one year to watch some friends of mine compete in Ironman Canada. I've considered entering the triathlon ranks ever since, but have never gotten around to doing it. I think I'd be more likely to do a sprint triathlon than the longer ones though.
Anyway, I'm glad I'm not the only one that "corrects" errant do gooders during races. I was beginning to think I had a mean streak.
Do it! You won't regret it. Triathlons are so much fun!
I have one word about me to describe why I would attempt it just after radiation: Crazy. Anyone who knows me knows that I am sort of impulsive like a little kid. When I get an idea that I want to do something, I need to do it RIGHT NOW. I did my first sprint triathlon 4 months after I had my 4th baby. I didn't know how to swim or even own a bike before I signed up. I figured signing up would be my motivation to learn. My motto is you get one life...use it or lose it. Someday I hope to complete an Ironman...but not for a while with all my kids needing me/preventing me from having time to train!
Now that I know you are at least a little bit interested in trying a triathlon, I am going to keep bugging you about it until you do one!
Radioactive Girl,
That's a deal. I respond well to pestering, and I really do need to do at least one...just to get the check in the block!
Keep up the good work.
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